Dear Adrien Brody,

Dear Adrien Brody,

You have been my favorite actor since I saw you in The Pianist. You totally deserved the Academy Award and even that very unexpected Halle Berry onstage make-out sesh.

Upon being introduced to you, I immediately watched some of your earlier films and fell in love with your acting ability and taste in movies.

I absolutely loved “Dummy” and eagerly anticipated your upcoming projects and ended up loving them all. I loved “The Village”, despite all the haters out there. “The Jacket” was awesome and I thoroughly enjoyed King Kong… well, only the first half that your were in. Then came “The Darjeeling Limited”, which is an incredibly amazing movie.

You have done some great work my friend. But then things started taking a turn for the worst. I watched from the sidelines as you’ve began to appear in questionable films like “Cadillac Records”. Despite these telling signs of a dramatic downfall, I purchased tickets to “Splice”, completely unprepared for what was to unfold before my eyes.

I have never been so disgusted by a movie. I actually felt dirty when I left the theater and was glad to have church later that afternoon. But I refused to give up hope. Curse my fan loyalty! I went to see “Predators” in 2010 and laughed throughout the film at the utter nonsense of it all. Then I saw you in a Superbowl commercial for Stella Artois and knew that you had hit rock bottom.

But no, just like this economy, you double-dipped. You starred in “The Experiment” (In my defense, I would never have gone and seen this film but my dad had rented it and made me watch it). HORRIBLE. I was saddened. What happened Adrien? Why are you choosing all these randomly horrible movies to star in? What happened to the days of “The Pianist”? The days where your characters had substance and your movies had plots? Your repertoire is a hot mess. But that was 2011. 2012 is a new year! You ended ’11 semi-strongly with a guest role in the Academy Award nominated film “Midnight in Paris”.

And though your part was small and your character pure comic relief, you did good buddy and 2012 is looking up! And now you are starring in “Detachment”, which looks like it will be the film to redeem your career. This movie looks so good that I’m going to let the fact I saw you in a razor commercial while at the gym slide. Just some words of advice:

DON’T PULL A NICK CAGE.

Please don’t accept any and every role that falls into your lap! You are too good for that. Nick Cage does that and no one, I repeat, NO ONE, wants to be him. So far you are following his pattern: first you win an academy award and then you go buku crazy and add 60 films to your resume. Not cool.

I’m only telling you this out of concern for your well being… and for mine. I can’t handle watching you spiral out of control! I only have enough hatred in my heart for one actor and Nick Cage has all of it. I refuse to share.

Sincerely,

A loyal and concerned fan

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