As of today, Joe and I have been married 50 days…. woohoo! Though 50 days is a really short amount of time, we’ve learned a ton. And since everyone keeps asking me “How’s married life?”, I figured I’d tell you how it’s going and what we’ve learned thus far:
1. Marriage is Awesome.
I get to start and end my day with my best friend. I have someone to share my life with and there are no words to explain how much fun it is! It’s like a slumber party every night.
2. Marriage isn’t always rainbows and butterflies.
We have arguments just like we did before marriage and we’ve had to work at merging the lives of two separate people. It’s a major change to go from thinking of yourself as a “me” to a “we”. It’s a lot to navigate. We are also getting used to familiarity. No more first dates, first kisses, or wedding planning to get excited about. We are starting routines that will follow us for years to come: Wake up. Get ready. Go to work. Come home. Make/eat dinner. Go to bed. Rinse and repeat. But there is a sweetness to this familiarity. The comfort of knowing we’ll always be there for each other and we’ll always have someone to come home to.
3. Planning dates is harder.
In pre-marital counseling, our mentors repeatedly told us the importance of continuing to date your spouse, which we totally understand. It’s just really hard to plan dates when you see your spouse all the time! Going to a restaurant just doesn’t feel like a date. It feels like dinnertime. So we’ve learned that this is an area we can definitely grow in as we strive to continue pursuing each other. Send creative date ideas our way!
4. Sleep is important…. so invest in a good mattress!
We quickly found out that sleeping with another human being is not as easy as it sounds. We still haven’t gotten used to rolling into each other in the middle of the night, stealing sheets off each other, and getting to bed at a decent hour so that we’re not exhausted when we wake up at 5:00 am. To tell you the truth, we’ve probably gotten 5 hours or less of sleep every night since we said “I do”. No lie. And I think we all know that a consistently sleep-deprived person is gonna drop the ball on a lot of things. Needless to say, sleep is important. So after a few weeks of this, I started asking other married couples for advice on this issue and I got basically the same answers: Learning to sleep with someone is hard across the board and BUY A GOOD MATTRESS. Seriously. So many people told me that and then started recommending mattress brands to buy. We bit the bullet and ordered our mattress yesterday morning (after another 4 hour night sleep). I’ll let you know how it goes.
5. It’s easy to lose friends.
I have found that the innately human response to when someone gets married is to assume that they will always be too busy to hang out with you because they are hanging out with their spouse, and therefore, you don’t ask them to hang out. Slowly and slowly that relationship fades into oblivion. Now for us married people, this can get really annoying. Especially considering the fact that it’s not our fault that we’re always with our spouse… we’re married. That’s what marriage is. You live together for crying out loud! But as much as I want my single friends to pursue me, I’ve realized that I may need to make the first move… at least in the beginning. I need to be available. I need to set time apart to hang with my friends and continue to cultivate those relationships. It’s super important to have friendships outside of your marriage and that doesn’t happen without hard work. Friendship, like marriage, takes time and commitment.
6. Free time magical disappears.
I don’t know where it went but I feel like I don’t have it anymore. I swear I had way more time to do things when I was single. That means I need to work harder about prioritizing, especially when it comes to the things that are really important.
7. Communicate, communicate, communicate.
You’ve probably heard married peoples say it before, but good communication is probably the most important skill to learn and apply in marriage. Joe and I work hard at verbalizing our feelings. Do we fail at it? Often. But we both agreed early on in our relationship that we would strive daily to be better communicators with each other even if communicating means working through conflict and telling your spouse (in a loving way) what they may not want to hear. We have already seen the value of good communication in the first 50 days. Heck, we saw the value of it on Day 1!
Needless to say, we’ve been learning a lot and having a blast. Overall, we know that we’ve got a lifetime of learning to do and we couldn’t be more excited for it!