Signs you’re living in a horror movie

Have you ever been home alone and sworn something really bad was going to happen? Well, fear not my friend. I have comprised the following check-list that will allow you to assess your current level of danger as well as the likelihood of you being murdered, mangled, kid-napped, etc.

  • You are currently walking around the house in only your underwear
  • Your phone has rung multiple times and there’s either static, husky breathing, or no one on the other end.
  • You currently do not have cell phone reception
  • You just so happen to be in an isolated area far away from other people (i.e. people who can HELP YOU!)
  • You have recently become aware of a hidden room or antique jewelry box in your newly purchased residence and haven’t told anyone about it.
  • You’re friend, significant other, or family member stepped out to run a quick errand or to inspect an unusual situation and its been over an hour since you’ve contacted each other.
  • Your friend, significant other, or family member has been missing for over 24 hours and you haven’t contacted the proper authorities.
  • There is an unmarked van on your street that hasn’t moved for a while…
  • You think you’re seeing, hearing, or feeling ghosts or ‘voices’
  • Your nose starts bleeding for no reason
  • The electricity has gone out
  • You’ve been receiving death threats from an unknown person
If only 1 or 2 of the above apply to your current situation: You’re fine and most likely paranoid.
If 3 or more: Thats super sketch, I’d probably call a friend or the police (depending on which ones you checked) just to be safe.
If 4 or more: WHAT ARE YOU DOING READING THIS?! For all you know the murderer/rapist/kidnapper is already in the house and you have no idea because you’re too busy looking up random things on the internet! Has the creepy background music started playing yet? If so, you’re screwed. Oh and put some clothes on. Underwear as an outfit is not conducive to escaping impending doom.

One Comment Add yours

  1. I think this evaluation should be left in every middle-of-nowhere hotel room, creepy house next door, abandoned mineshaft, and other locations of varying degrees of horror.

    Well done. 🙂

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