I have an innate belief that there is a right way to do things. And if I don’t do things in this way, then something is wrong with me or something bad will happen. This belief gives me a lot of anxiety. I’m always thinking twelve steps ahead, trying to wrap my mind around the end result before I even start. I get so overwhelmed by the ending that I don’t enjoy the beginning: the present. And as we all know, “there is no time like the present”. Each moment is full of endless possibilities and before you know it, these moments are now the past. These small moments are all gifts of God. Some may be blessings and some trials, but all moments are opportunities to grow closer to Christ. But in fear of failure, I turn to myself and my abilities, thinking I can control the outcome of my future moments. This stems from a hurt and broken soul. Experiences in my past, big and small, have caused me to distrust the world. I fear being hurt by others and protect myself by planning ahead: controlling the world around me. I think that control will keep me safe and keep me from being hurt. Thankfully, the Lord has shown me my flaws with a Father’s love. And as I begin to tear down the walls I’ve built, He is constantly reminding me of His love and His provision. His plans for me are not to harm me but to prosper me (Jeremiah 29:11). The trials I go through are not punishments but opportunities for spiritual maturity (James 1:2-4). And the blessings he bestows on me are not based on anything I do or my own abilities. They are a gift from a loving God (Romans 5:8). He doesn’t promise that the future will be easy and He doesn’t promise that there won’t be any hurt along the way. But He does promise that He’ll be there (Deuteronomy 31:6). Always. We are not alone in our moments and, as each one passes, we are simply one moment closer to eternity with Him.
So for me, this means: breathe. Accept moments as they come. Rest in His truth and enjoy His blessings. Remember that mistakes are normal and are simply reminders of my need for Him. I may be broken, but I’m not beyond repair. I will be redeemed through Christ. That’s a promise.
“Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.” – Psalm 37:5-6